What the hell are we doing?
We can’t jog, we’d be rubbish at an egg-and-spoon race, and there’s no way we would complete a sponsored silence or give up booze for a month - so we’re travelling 5000km from Goa in India to Pokhara in Nepal in a ‘motorised rickshaw’ as one of 32 teams taking part in the Rickshaw Run.

I know what you’re thinking, what do they know about riding a rickshaw? Well, our experience as a team makes quite impressive reading:

James Anderson who couldn’t ride a bike until he was 11 years old -“I once pushed trollies in Safeway car park part-time when I was 16 so I hope this will stand me in good stead”

Dean Howe, a professional tea drinker/electrician -“I’ve crashed every car I’ve ever owned”

Dominic Holmes who once came second in a go-kart race in 1988 - “I’ve never owned or driven a car in the UK but I’ve still managed to put 6 points on my license”

What are we doing it in?
Ladies and gents – the rickshaw: loud, uncomfortable, prone to breaking down and completely useless at protecting you from the elements.

They are possibly the least suitable vehicles in the world for tackling roads – let alone thousands of miles of sweaty jungle heat, dirt tracks, monsoon rains and the Himalayan peaks in just 2 weeks.

When is it?
We are leaving with our backpacks full of Imodium, man-size nappies and clean Y-fronts on 8th September from Goa and the aim is to arrive in Pokhara on 25th September…5000km later. It’s easy really. 

Why is it worth my sponsorship?
We paid for everything off our own backs – the flights, the hire for the rickshaw and wet wipes– so all your money will be going straight to the charity Frank Water. This is a cracking charity for funding clean water projects across India. Clean, disease-free, water is something we all take for granted. To find out more about their work, please click here: http://www.frankwaterprojects.org/

Who is ‘Joni F and the Jazzy Fun Time’?
It’s our team name and it made us laugh in the pub - so it stuck!

So that’s it…sponsor us, bitches! http://www.justgiving.com/jonifandthejazzyfuntime/ Any sponsorship large or small is welcome BUT if you would like to be a part of our adventure without leaving your armchair, keep reading.

Before the Rickshaw Run starts, we get to pimp our ride! So, in a very classy Grand Prix-esque kind of way, we have decided to sell off certain parts of the Rickshaw - and our bodies - for sponsorship, naming rights or just plain old graffiti. You can have anything you want, taking surface area into account, except swear words or tobacco sponsorship.

If nice guys finish last we're the best!

Day 9 – Mon 21^st Sept

We arrive in Khajurho home of the temples of love, clocking up 320km

• We perform a good deed - giving our first Indian civilian (a medical representative with his brown leather satchel) a lift in our Rickshaw from Ghatampur to Mahoba (55km). Our good karma is rewarded by him negotiating us two free litres of petrol at the local station.
• Dom balances out this good deed by running over a placenta covered NEW born baby calf’s leg and stalled. We escaped before the local village descended on us to give us a shoeing!
• We arrive at the home of the erotic/porno statues from 600 AD. Imagine the karma sutra but in sandstone temples. 

 Day 10 – Tues 22^nd Sept

We arrive in Mauganj, clocking up 230km

• We experience the delights of ‘National Highway 7’, which is like trying to drive on the surface of Mars.
• We haven’t got a clue where we are when it gets dark and we contemplate sleeping in the Rickshaw before we stumble across a small town in the middle of nowhere. We end up staying in a ‘lodge’ for Indian lorry drivers.
• We end up drinking chai tea with the locals who have never seen a white person, let  alone two gingers. The rest of evening involves conversations with the power of mime.
• We randomly run into a fellow Rickshaw runner Jessie from team Captain Tuk.

 Day 11 – Weds 23^rd Sept

We arrive in Varanasi, clocking up 210km

• We leave the lodge at 5am with Jessie. Jessie’s Rickshaw breaks down 5km into the journey, so we have to tow him 10km to the nearest town and leave him to find a mechanic.
• We are running out of petrol and have to stop at a petrol station in the middle of nowhere. There is only one completely white petrol pump which has nothing written on it at all. After 10 minutes of checking that the pump was petrol and NOT diesel, we trust the owner and we fill our tank and our 10 litre Jerry can…big mistake. The sly git even mixed the 2 stroke oil into the tank for us to convince us it was the right fuel, knowing full well we'd get about 5km away before breaking down.
• 5km down the road our engine dies – the penny finally drops that the fuel is in fact diesel.
• After 30 minutes of blue language we start to drain the diesel from the engine. Jessie with his rickshaw repaired sees us on the hard shoulder. He repays the favour and drives to the next petrol station to get us a jerry can of petrol. We drain the diesel and re-filled but the damage was done. We consider arranging a meeting with the petrol station attendant with our cricket bat, but we move on. Jessie’s rickshaw breaks down again and we then tow him coughing and spluttering 25km to the next town where we drop him off for more repairs.
• Our rickshaw makes the last 100k to Varanasi coughing and spluttering - which ends up taking us 8 hours!

 Day 12 – Thurs 24^th Sept

Leaving Varanasi, attempt 1 - the beginning of ground hog day

• In true English style we convinced ourselves that the best course of action would be to get up early and go full throttle toward Nepal hoping the high revs would clear the engine of the remaining diesel. Surprisingly this didn't work and we we're back on the hard shoulder after just 20km. We manage to cough and splutter back to Varansi and we put our chariot in for repairs. We hope to leave Varansi tomorrow morning still on schedule.
• On positive note we get to soak up some culture and experience the some traditional cremation rituals on the riverbanks of the Varanasi…hmmm BBQ.

 Day 13 – Fri 25^th Sept

Leaving Varanasi, attempt 2

• We leave at 5am once again and we make it about 20km before braking down again on exactly same patch of road!
• We drive back to Varansi, back to the mechanic who had another go at fixing it, blaming it mainly on our make shift petrol cap (we lost our original one by driving away from a petrol station with it still on the roof).
• So we stay another night in Varansi. Hopefully the rickshaw is now repaired properly and although we have missed the closing party we are determined to make it to Pokhara, be it a day or two late, even if we have to push it up the Himalayas.
• Varanasi is a holy city on the banks of the Ganges, this is where Hindus come to be cremated and have their ashes poured into the holy river, so it would be a fitting place should our rickshaw die tomorrow. Although I’m not sure how happy the locals will be when we set it alight and drive it into the river.

 Day 14 – Sat 26^th Sept

Leaving Varanasi, attempt 3 – third time’s the charm

• We leave Varanasi this time and decide to take it easy. We go easy on the throttle and don’t accelerate over 30km.
• We clock up 15 hours straight driving and only stopping for fuel.
• We cross the Indian to Nepal border at 9.15pm, but forget to get any of passports stamped by border control in India and Nepal. So we frantically go back and get everything done in 15 minutes before the borders close for the evening!
• We’re in Nepal - get in! You can notice the change instantly when you cross the border everyone is a lot more chilled/friendlier and the people look a lot more oriental/Chinese.

 Day 15 – Sun 27^th Sept - FINISH

Pokhara the last 180km – the home straight

• We get going at 6am to do the final 180km through the mountain roads. The scenery is absolutely breathtaking; I have never seen anything like it in life.
• We even see crabs crossing the road in the himilayas…how random! They live in the waterfalls and rivers by the side of the road (we grab a few pics).
• We finally make to Pokhara at 4.15pm - 48 hours late and missing the finishing line party. One whole week behind the winners! Our top speed was 25kmph and we broke down every 2/3km, which involved us doing push starts UP hill on the Himalayas but WE MADE IT!

The journey so far...

• We get off to a good start by not stalling on the start line, in front of the press and crowds of people.
• We are restricted to going a maximum of 35km on the first day as we have to break Joni in slowly.
• We find a nice beach side bungalow to stay - it's a shame we don't get a chance to see it as it's dark when we arrive.

• Sunshine and heavy rain.
• Huge road puddle/river results in our engine being flooded with water. We have to do jump start.
• Amazing mountain views.
• Our well planned short cut results in us driving on a mountain 'road' like a rock garden.
• We spend the night in a hotel made out of corrigated iron. WE manage to fend off the cockroaches from running off with our bags in the night.
• Road kill - monkey and goat.

• 3 x dog road kill. 
• 2 x monkey road kill.
• 1 x little boy with his pants around his ankles squatting in the middle of the road, not the most ideal toilet. 
• We treat ourselves to a bit of culture - Ellora caves. These are huge temples carved out the rock from the 7th century. It's like something out of an Indian Jones movie. It's worth checking out the pictures.
• Joni's rattling exhaust is fixed thanks to a kind local called Ashokha - what a truely kind, and honest gentlemen. He fixes our Rickshaw but refuses to accept any money for his work - what a legend.   

• We experience some stunning mountain views with four other teams convoy. Our Rickshaw is by the fastest of the four.

• Dom manages to bend the steering column on the rickshaw.
• A mechanic looks over the damage and confirms that Joni is road safe - for the time being. We will get it fixed when we get to Agra.
• 1 x donkey road kill.
• 3 x goat (we think) road kill.
• 1 x dead women cut in half from a car crash and laying in the middle of the road fce down - this is the most horrendous thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

• 13 hours of intense driving - especially when it got dark.
• Dom manages to overtake 27 lorries in a row - using the hard shoulder.
• 1 x old man washing himself in a river.
• 1 x cow road kill.

• Joni is checked into the health farm/mechanics, for a full service and to straighten out the steering column.
• We visit the Red Fort and watch the sunset by the Taj Mahal.

• 5.30am early start to watch the sunrise at the Taj Mahal - well worth it!
• A day of relaxation, we find a hotel with a swimming - it's like heaven. We then collect Joni from the Mechanics she seems in fine form. Joni has been washed.. we are not happy!
• An early night before an early start to head to Khajuraho.